3 boundaries to set with your loved ones these Christmas holidays when you’re going through a career change
Photo credit to https://www.helenkaram.com
Do you dread answering the question “How is work?” from your loved ones during the festive season ? Then you’re in the right place!
Having to discuss your work during the holiday season with members of your family you haven’t seen for ages can be already quite dreadful but it’s much harder when you’re in a period of career transition and you don’t know what to answer.
Let’s go back 4 years to my own career transition ……
Back in the fall 2015 I was in the middle of taking one of the biggest decisions of my life, I was studying in my last year of Masters in Business School and at the same time I was deep into my first couple of months studying for my Yoga Training and my Life coaching Training ( yes I took both at the same time!). Needless to say it was a big moment of inner transformation which I didn’t know yet how to formulate in my own head and even less discuss it out loud with people!
I remember dreading any kind of Christmas party invitation both with friends and family because I didn’t have the clarity in my head to express what was happening in my life and I was 100% sure that “What do you want to do after graduation?” would have been the top question anyone would have asked me and also the one that I felt the most embarrassed answering.
I was having all these new life-changing experiences and I knew deep inside that I was changing direction and that most importantly I was uncovering new parts of myself I didn’t know existed but it was still extremely confusing and I didn’t know how to put it into words.
It wasn’t even a quick fleeting moment for me , I felt that way for at least a good year afterwards, so you can tell that I became an expert in dealing with the discomfort of not knowing what to say.
Furthermore I started to hate how we are pressured nowadays to always know where we are at and have a clear and concise “elevator pitch” when the truth is that we’re all floating in uncertainty and I believe it’s totally ok and natural to be in that space-in-between at some point in our career path.
Almost 4 years after that experience I can assure you that the feeling of confusion will pass and that you will be able to answer this question with confidence ( most of the times..).
As a starting point of this post I want to tell you from the bottom of my heart that :
You’re doing great and how you feel is TOTALLY normal and human.
You’re BRAVE because you’re listening to your truth even if it looks messy from the outside and you’re trusting the voice of love more than fear.
You’re not only changing job, you’re changing the definition of yourself that was attached to that previous job, and you’re SO much more than a job title!
Now let’s go to see the boundaries you can set these holidays that will make your life a bit easier especially with the people you love and whose opinion you care the most :
Create a Temporary-Elevator-Pitch :
As I mentioned before you don’t need to have it all figured out and that’s a totally respectable stage to be at. The more you’re able of owning the stage you’re in, the easier you will find the words to express it.
That’s why it can be so valuable to take a moment to tune into yourself and with honesty formulate how you are feeling this exact moment.
My journal is usually the first place I go to in order to process confusing information, so I’d recommend to try it as well.
Create a safe space for 15-20 minutes today to be with your own company and write everything that raises to the surface.
When you feel you have let it out, read your words and summarize it in a sentence that feels true to you.
Say it out loud a few times until it feels a bit more comfortable
Next time you meet a friend you feel good with, try the sentence out loud. At first it will feel very strange and uncomfortable but it will feel better over time.
If you really hate writing you can try the same process by recording a voice memo or talking it out to someone you trust.
PS. I created a Worksheet you can download below this article with some examples of effective elevator pitches ;-)
Download the FREE How to respond to “How is work?” The Best answers Cheat Sheet !
2. Have a conversation about a Clarity Deadline .
What is a Clarity Deadline ?
It’s a deadline you give to yourself and to your loved ones to find clarity on the decision you’re taking.
Basically you decide a date after which you’ll be ready to have a conversation with them. Before that date you make an agreement to not being asked to discuss about it!
This idea came to me in the middle of my hardest period when I was with one foot in my old life, planning to apply for Marketing Jobs and the other foot in my new life, exploring the idea of becoming self-employed and jumping into coaching and yoga.
Just thinking about my younger self back in 2016 I feel so much compassion because she was at a BIG crossroad, the hardest she had taken in her life until then!
It wasn’t just about a job change, it was about redefining her identity forever and being surrounded by people that loved her but didn’t get her. So If you’re in that space now, I see you and I feel you. Show some compassion to yourself.
Going back to my story what made the crossroad so hard was the pressure I was receiving from loved ones to go for the “old.traditional path” and questioning me on a daily basis to give them an answer.
And let’s be honest, when you’re going through this kind of shift your answer will not evolve very much from a monday to a wednesday ;-)
My parents ( which I love to pieces) basically asked me this question on a daily basis and it was creating such a huge stress for me that was taking my focus away from the actual work I was doing to create the foundation of my business. So I asked them a clarity deadline until which they weren’t allowed to ask me any questions about it.
I cannot say it always worked, but they understood that it was a sensitive topic for me and it gave me that space to breathe and actually move forward because that kind of pressure was creating so much self-doubt that was building on top of my own self-doubt,making it almost impossible to move forward.
So my advice here it’s to have an honest conversation with your partner, parents, loved ones about how you feel at the moment and how checking on you regularly it’s not beneficial. That if they want to support you they will respect this choice and that how you want to set a date after which you’re ready to sit down with more data at hand and discuss it.
How far should the date be? That’s completely subjective on your situation and the change you’re going through, it could be 2 weeks, 1 month, 6 months or even an indefinite date after which you’ll take the responsibility to start that conversation.
Loved ones get worried and that’s normal but you don’t have to take on their worries on top of the ones you already have.
3. Own your vision with pride :
The others are pretty much a mirror of ourselves. When we feel embarrassed and uncomfortable to express our truth with them is because we have a lot of discomfort inside of us.
While this phase it’s an inevitable rite of passage it doesn’t mean that it has to stay like that forever!
The moment in which you’ll feel ok about where you’re at, you’ll share it with ease and confidence and the others will mirror it back. If you believe in your project even if it’s still not defined that self-reassurance will show through your energy, body language and the wording you use and you’ll not believe how much encouragement you’ll get back.
I have a couple of stories to tell about that.
As I was mentioning at the beginning of the article, I was feeling very insecure and sometimes silly about my transition from a promising job in marketing with a degree from one of the best schools in France to becoming an independent Life coach and Yoga Teacher.
I was so scared that my university colleagues and professors would think that I was gone crazy or that my project was naive and ungrounded.
So every time someone would asked me any question on the line of “How is work going?” I would want to hide and diminish my transition to something unimportant and my insecurity would come through in my energy and words.
And as a result people would asked me things like : Are you sure? How will you survive with that? Let me know if you need any help….basically they were responding with their own worries that they would have had in the same situation. Which of course made me feel even worse.
However over time I got fed up of feeling that way and I took the firm decision to start to say out loud that I was a Life Coach and instead of diminishing myself I would talk passionately about it and with the enthusiasm that I was actually feeling inside and the results were astonishing.
People were incredibly supportive and inspired and they basically mirrored my own confidence back!
One of the most surprising moment was when I called a lady from the Career Service at my university because I was looking for alumni that were working in the coaching or wellbeing sector and I was so surprised of hearing her enthusiasm and how much she loved my website and my work and the impact I could have on others. I was speechless because I was convinced she would see my “little business” as cute and naive but not very interesting.
So this is to say that when you start to believe in yourself the others will believe in you.
I really hope you enjoyed this post and don’t forget to share it with friends that may be on the same boat as you, and download the FREE worksheet How to respond to “How is work” The Best answers Cheat Sheet!
HOW TO RESPOND TO “HOW IS WORK” WHEN YOU’RE CHANGING CAREER - the Best Answers Cheat Sheet !
Download the FREE worksheet here.
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