How to process grief from a previous job
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Grieving the experience of a past job
Grief, it’s something we talk about after losing a loved one, or after a bad romantic breakup, but do we ever talk about it in the job sphere?
After meeting a few clients who were feeling stuck in their job search because they hadn’t yet processed a bad previous job experience I saw a pattern that I wanted to share here with you.
Ending a job experience, whether it’s your decision or your employer’s can bring up so many emotions that are rarely talked about and normalized in my opinion.
One of the reasons may be that we have a huge pressure (coming from ourselves or externally) to quickly find another job to replace the old one because of the stigma and shame of being unemployed.
So we jump on the search, looking at offers and sending applications without taking our feelings seriously into account.
And your feelings matter, including in this specific situation because they determine your ability to trust in your capacity for a new and better career opportunity.
Without a space for grieving your loss, the feelings you didn’t address will inevitably come up again in your job search and block the flow of new opportunities in your career.
Embracing these feelings takes courage. It means admitting that the situation hurt you, the relationship there affected you and you weren’t immune to them. That you couldn’t just brush it off and move on like you maybe feel you’re “expected” to do.
Your rational mind knows that the linear path is to move on and find something better paid, where you can express your true self more, where you feel encouraged to grow and you’re recognized for your efforts….but your heart is still licking the wounds of having felt undervalued, misunderstood, replaced and so much more.
And so a conflict is created because you want to move on rationally but the pain as well as all the new limiting stories are also there.
So what to do ?
Step 1 : Address your feelings
Notice the triggers. What are the current situations that remind you of that previous job? Like a dormant fire that comes back to life in specific moments
Let the feelings arise and stay with them without pushing them away. It’s totally ok to feel them
Ask that feeling to speak up, what’s the fear emerging from it?
In this way you’re making it ok to let that energy move around and the awareness of the fear will make it so much easier to overcome it.
STEP 2 : Notice the stories holding you back
Even If that decision had nothing to do with us personally, it doesn’t feel like that when we are in the situation and it’s common for our mind to create new limiting beliefs to protect us for future disappointments.
Here are 3 common limiting beliefs I’ve heard from clients coming to coaching after losing their jobs :
Something is wrong with me If they decided to fire me and not my colleague
I’m obviously not good enough to be hired again
How can I be seen as an expert in this field after being laid off, who will believe it?
Of course there are many others that are usually beliefs that were inside of us already but they were triggered and cemented after that experience happened.
As you can imagine these beliefs keep your confidence low when looking for your next job and that’s where the mindset of work comes in as well as taking care of your emotional state.
Mindset work means reframing your beliefs so you can see things differently and in a way that can support you and not self-sabotage your job search.
One question you can ask yourself to get started is : How true is that? And where does this idea come from?
STEP 3 : Change the stories
Once you’re aware of what your own inner critic is telling you, you have a CHOICE, keep on believing in the same old limiting stories OR rewrite them!
I would opt for option 2 ;-)
Rewriting your stories means deciding to see things differently and communicating with yourself and others in a way that supports the new career you’re calling in.
Most importantly it means taking back your POWER and leading the way instead of leaving your power and responsibility in the hands of that previous boss or job!
Because if your energy is ruminating on the past, stuck in the frustration and anger of that job you’re giving it LOTS of power and letting it dictate your future.
You now have an opportunity to leave the past behind and really use that energy to fuel your path to the job of your dreams!
Here are some ideas of new expansive beliefs :
I am enough for the career of my dreams
I am perfect exactly the way I am
I am ………( fill the gap with your ideal job title)
Now it’s your turn, create a new belief that FEELS good and expansive and start practicing it out loud daily. What’s an affirmation that really feels good?
A note on this : these 3 steps are a cycle, they repeat themselves, so don’t be surprised if the feelings come up again even after you’ve addressed the stories and changed them.
It’s a process and it’s totally ok.
What will really cement down the stories is the last step.
STEP 4 : Embody the new reality
This step is about taking ACTION. Action, whether big or small is what will truly cement these stories as real.
It’s about gradually taking imperfect baby steps; like sending an email to that person you admire professionally, sending the CV without overthinking it, being able to answer uncomfortable questions about how your previous job ended with calm and confidence.
All these actions create building blocks for a new version of you, one that is ready to set new standards and evolve.
And action is truly worth a million words!
I really hope this post helps you face your grief with more compassion, knowing that processing what has been is a tool to make you so much stronger and not something to be ashamed of.
I’d love to know, what’s your biggest takeaway from this topic?
Comment below and let’s continue the conversation.
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